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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Breakthrough to the Big Love

Welcome to the Breakthrough Project! This is the first in a series of Breakthrough Stories from you, my amazing clients. I will post these Breakthroughs the first week of each month. Enjoy!

You hear me talk about the Big Compassion or Love of Life a lot; but to give you a very vibrant, living example of the Big Love, I want to share with you one of my clients’ Breakthrough Stories, from her own words. I’ll start with some background about what lead up to her Breakthrough.

About 12 years ago now, I attended the wedding of two dear friends who were so in love that their relationship was the model for me of what healthy relationships could be like. We lost touch after they birthed their second son a few years ago, and one day, some months ago, I suddenly received a call from the wife in this couple. This time, she was not just seeking the voice of a friend; she wanted some deeper support. They had been through a series of family tragedies, and through the challenges her husband had changed from an open, engaging man to one who hardly even acknowledged her, had shut down, and refused any attempt to heal their marriage. When I heard her story, I was totally surprised and definitely heartbroken. Through a series of sessions together, though she still described her husband as “her soulmate and love of her life,” she came to the decision that it was best to begin the process of separation and divorce.

During one of our more recent sessions, to support her healing process, we spoke about getting in touch with the Big Love that runs like a river underneath her love for her sons, and even her love for her husband. We spoke about how this Love would help her to remember her strength, find the possibilities of life again, and stay positive through this trying time. She said to me that she could not feel it yet and it was something she’d have to sit with. A short while later, she sent me this beautiful email that brought me to tears. I immediately wanted to share it with you! I’d love to hear your feedback on this story and if it inspires anything in your life! Love always - Sonya

"I had a hard time after our last session. The "big love" seemed so elusive at the time. I am feeling better now. I don't know if you remember my house, but my husband and I had the big bedroom, and the boys were sharing the little one. Even before the separation I had been wanting to switch with them so they had more room for toys and play. Post separation, I knew it would be a good move as far as healing went, but I just couldn't make myself do it. Well, last week I made myself do it. My cousin came and helped me move stuff around. In preparation I had found two antique dressers that I stowed in the garage. I gave my dressers to the boys and gave myself an old fashioned (that's the decor I grew up with) and very girly bedroom. I was drawn to surrounding myself with very feminine things that represented the women in my past. I brought my great grandmother's rose pink chenille bedspread out of retirement and made some needlework of my grandmothers' into throw pillows. I found a great deep minty green to paint the walls (I'll be doing that next weekend) and bought lace sheers for the windows. I love it, but it is bittersweet. I knew it would be symbolic, but I had no idea how hard it would be for me emotionally. I felt a lot of anger and sadness. But it was, and still is really cleansing. The boys love their room and have had great fun working with me on it. The day after moving the furniture, my five year old son got up and put on "work clothes" right away. He chose a pair of sweatpants and what he referred to as a "baggy t-shirt."

"My close friend and semi-savior through all of this came over a couple of days ago to see my new rooms. She is gifted with insight beyond what she usually lets on. She walked through the house in almost a trance. I showed her what I had done. Later we sat together watching my youngest son and her baby girl play on the floor of the boys’ room and she looked right into my eyes and said "It's peaceful here. I have never felt peace in your house before. This is the way it's supposed to be." Wow. Those aha moments are just stunning. It was the first time that it occurred to me that perhaps this (and I mean all of this) is supposed to be happening. I have KNOWN that things were off track, going the wrong way. But I had never embraced the possibility that this is exactly where my life is supposed to be. And that, my wonderful friend, is the closest I've come to understanding the "Big Love." All of a sudden I felt very ungrateful for not letting myself see what was all around me. I had a glimpse into the one permanent and unchanging something that makes us keep going. And I told myself that I had needed to grieve, but within that I must always remember to APPRECIATE. That day I wrote this in my journal: "Be at peace. All is well. Do not be frantic or angry. Sink into loneliness and find that it will buoy you up. FLOAT. Free yourself to love - your babies, your husband, your space, yourself. Then accept." I truly believe I did not write that. I think it was the "Big Love" talking."

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Have you had a Breakthrough? Give the gift of love and insight to your fellow travelers on the journey of discovery. Email your story to sonya@illuminatedwisdom.com.

Breakthrough to the Big Love during the Love, Truth, and Mary sacred gathering series – Awaken to Truth and Love in your life on November 3, 10, and 17.